I haven’t been honest with you. At times I’ve presented myself on the blog in a way that isn’t a true representation of my life. I’ve hinted that things aren’t always great around here, but I haven’t been transparent about what’s really going on. It’s time to come clean.

(Deep breath here. It’s difficult for me to be authentic and transparent in my writing. I’m working on that.)

We have our share of job and financial challenges. Thanks to God’s grace and provision, that always works itself out. What we haven’t been able to “fix” as easily, though, are Roo’s health challenges. I’ve really tried to downplay or ignore this topic on my blog.

The truth is, Roo deals with gastrointestinal problems, food and environmental allergies, an immune deficiency, and chronic sinus infections. Her iron levels are low for no known reason, and we recently discovered something strange about her carotid artery. She was also born with bilateral syndactyly of the second and third toes. She will be having surgery soon to remove her adenoids and tonsils and might have sinus work done too. If sinus surgery is required, it will be her third one. (She’s not five years old yet!) Roo has recently been referred to a geneticist to see if there is an overarching diagnosis that will make all of this make sense.

I get overwhelmed sometimes. I get tired of giving her medicine, and she gets tired of taking it. Finding new foods that fit her restricted diet (that she’ll actually eat) is a challenge. Frequent doctors’ appointments and testing (not to mention surgeries) are stressful. I weary of constantly checking EOBs and calling insurance companies, clinics, and hospitals about billing issues.

Would I change anything? Yes and no. I would love to see Roo completely healed and whole physically. I would change that if I could. However, I realize other families deal with much more serious issues than Roo does, and I wouldn’t want to trade places. Nor would I want who Roo is to change. She is a beautiful, delightful, precious little comedienne. I can’t imagine my life without her.

So for now, I pray for grace and strength for each day. We try to make doctors, medications, and tests just brief interruptions in our days, not their focus. We try to remember that ” . . . our present troubles are small and won’t last very long.” (2 Corinthians 4:17a NLT)

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14 Responses to Confession

  1. Rinda says:

    Thank you for being so honest. You are right everyone has issues. Just remember that there is a time for everything under the sun! I know you want to do more writing. I completely understand that, but remember that God has a plan. He will reveal it in time. Until then, you have a great opportunity to love your daughter today right where she is. When I was just a stay at home mom, my girls wanted to be a stay at home mom someday too. Now that I am a writer, they want to be a writer someday. I want to always be excited about what I am doing. Even when life is hard, there are still blessings to enjoy in everyday! You can inspire others with what you are doing now! Blessings to you!

  2. Thank you for the encouragement, Rinda. I know God has a plan that will come about in His time. I’m trying to take the time to recognize His blessings each day and trust Him. He will get all of us where He wants us to be! I keep reminding myself that He never wastes an experience. Everything can be used for His glory!

    My girls are so precious. I wouldn’t take for the time I get to spend with them as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. These are moments that will never be repeated.

    I’m still looking forward to reading your book! I hope to be able to order a copy very soon.

  3. Becky Teer says:

    Dear Jennifer,
    I just discovered you had a “BLOG”…( I know I am so slow)I have really enjoyed just sitting and reading…you are such a good writer!!! And I want to say thank you for your dear sweet honesty!! I know you and your sweet family are constantly under stress and I want you to know I am praying for you!! And I mean that with all my heart…not just saying as a duty but as an honor to be able to pray for you!!
    You know we have gone through some things this year with the loss of our baby…it has been tough …but a dear friend from high school came to our church and him and his wife sang for us just here while back…He had told me that he had a song that he had discovered and God had laid it on his heart to sing that day…I am so glad he did too because the words mean so much to me…and I wanted to share them with you…the song is by MERCY ME and called “Bring the Rain”…I even copied the words and have framed them to keep close for when I get down about things…
    Jennifer, I love you and I am praying for you and your sweet family…You are a strong lady and such an inspiration to me and so many others!! hang in there girlfriend!!! God has a plan!!!
    love always and forever

    Bring The Rain (by MERCY ME)
    I can count a million times
    People asking me how I
    Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through
    The question just amazes me
    Can circumstances possibly
    Change who I forever am in You
    Maybe since my life was changed
    Long before these rainy days
    It’s never really ever crossed my mind
    To turn my back on you, oh Lord
    My only shelter from the storm
    But instead I draw closer through these times
    So I pray
    Bring me joy, bring me peace
    Bring the chance to be free
    Bring me anything that brings You glory
    And I know there’ll be days
    When this life brings me pain
    But if that’s what it takes to praise You
    Jesus, bring the rain
    I am Yours regardless of
    The dark clouds that may loom above
    Because You are much greater than my pain
    You who made a way for me
    By suffering Your destiny
    So tell me what’s a little rain
    So I pray
    Bring me joy, bring me peace
    Bring the chance to be free
    Bring me anything that brings You glory
    And I know there’ll be days
    When this life brings me pain
    But if that’s what it takes to praise You
    Jesus, bring the rain
    Holy, holy, holy
    Holy, holy, holy
    Is the Lord God Almighty
    Is the Lord God Almighty.

  4. Becky,

    Thank you for the song! I’m going to YouTube to find it and listen to it ASAP!

    Thanks for the compliment on my writing too. I know God has plans for me (and maybe for this blog too)! Keep coming back to read!

    Again, I am sorry for your loss. I think of you often. I’m sorry we don’t see each other much anymore!

    Thanks for taking the time to comment and write out that beautiful song! I’ve got to go find it!

    Love, Jennifer

  5. JennyRain says:

    this is beautifully transparent. true authenticity is so hard… but so freeing. As we share our stories with others, we feel freer, then we encourage others to realize they are not alone… your courage is beautiful here… thanks for sharing!

  6. Thanks, Jenny! You are so right. Authenticity is difficult, but I have never felt more free!

    I appreciate your courage in telling your story on your blog this week. I intend to read each post. I’ve already passed your blog information on to someone I think might find solace in reading this week’s posts.

    Thanks for visiting my blog!

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